I was diagnosed HIV+ back in March 1989 when I was 24, and was told that nothing will happen for seven years, depending on how long I had had it, but thinking back, how did he know nothing would happen for 7yrs, when it was only announced to the world in April 84?
So, I went away thinking that’s it, I’m going to die. I contemplated suicide, but I could not actually do it, and take my own life. I’m so happy I didn’t. I never went back for 3 monthly check ups or blood tests for 7yrs. For the first 3yrs of my diagnoses, I went off the rails, and started to do drugs, mainly ecstasy, cocaine, speed and acid, and this I did 5 nights a week, going out raving for 3yrs. And in them 3yrs of abusing my body, and really not eating well, not once did i become ill with anything.
The second 3yrs, I ended up in an unholy place, which allowed me to get clean of drugs and have a healthy diet. I started weight training and kept fit and re-educated myself. It was all going well for me, until the 7th year, because I was stressing myself out, thinking if I don’t get my golden ticket out of this unholy place, I’m going to die in here. Thank god I got my golden ticket out.
Dec 96 and I was extremely stressed and going through depression. I was losing weight and had thrush in my mouth, so I went to see the doctor, and he gave me something for the thrush, it cleared it up and it never returned. I then went to see a HIV specialist in London Jan 97 and he told me, “If I didn’t go on the meds I would be dead within 12 months. ” At this point, my CD4 count was 54, but can’t remember viral load. So without question I took the meds. The first meds made me vomit, gave me diarrhea, and then gave me shingles. I was told to, “stop them immediately, because they weren’t working.”
Then I went onto a second combination therapy of Abacavir, Didanosine, and Efavirenz. Within 3 months my health improved dramatically, but that was because the first drugs made me so ill in the first place, and the second lot weren’t so toxic, but at the time, you think its the drugs working. And I didn’t have any life threatening illness or any infections to start with. I was just stressed and shit scared thinking I’m dying. But after a while, I was only able to eat one meal a day, I got extremely high cholesterol, felt depressed, and generally didn’t feel good within myself.
After ten years of being on the meds, and a person who has always believed AIDS is man made in some way, I started doing my own research into AIDS dissidents and the orthodox view. I decided back in August 2007 to stop taking my meds. Stopping my meds was not an easy decision to make by any means, I made sure I researched both sides of this debate and tried to understand the science to the best of my ability and I done the history of HIV to finally come to my own conclusions
I now have a full appetite back, no longer feel down and depressed, and feel great from within. I haven’t seen a doctor since June 2007. I don’t have my CD4 count and viral load done either, and he has no idea I have completely stopped taking my meds. It’s Feb 2009 and I have arranged an appointment for March 4th, 2009 to see Dr. Mark N. from the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London, who has been my doctor now for ten years.
I have decided to now tell him that I’ve stopped taking my meds 17 months ago. Now I am just your average man who lives an average life, and I’m not sure what questions to ask when he tries to convince me to take the toxic meds.
I cancelled my appointment on March 4th as I didn’t feel I had the right questions to ask. I had to make sure he knew I had some understanding of the history and science of HIV, so I made an appointment for June 2009. The appointment came, and I sat down, he said ” hello” I said hello, he would normally say “hello your looking well, how are you doing, and is there anything you want to ask” but he just sat there with pen in hand on my notes, he never even ask why haven’t I been to see him for nearly 2yrs, but he could see I was looking well and healthy, and I feel, he just knew I was going to ask some awkward questions.
I asked him, if he knew a certain scientist, he made out he could just barely remember, until I said, he’s still questioning, he all of a sudden remembered who this scientist was, and said to me angrily “Do you know who this scientist is, he’s a dangerous man! a dangerous man!” I said, no he isn’t he’s a scientist who is asking questions, and isn’t science about questioning. He then threw his pen down, pushed him self back away from the desk, threw his hands in the air and said “I’m not arguing! HIV causes AIDS and that it!” I said, I’m not arguing, I’m asking questions. He then asked me if I knew what this scientist did. He said, ” this scientist was asked to inject himself with some infected blood, and he wouldn’t, so that is proof enough for me” I also asked him if he knew the author of the book fear of the invisible, he said, quietly under his breath “yeah” I then asked, are you aware of the film house of numbers, he never answered. I then asked how do you explain my (return) to health, he said, “so! Many people remain well when they stop meds”. But he never said I will die eventually, nor did he tried to convince me to go back on meds. After showing him a letter, which he read, who it was from, and who it was going to in government, he threw the letter on the desk and said, “that’s it!, I’m not taking this any more, HIV causes AIDS and that’s it! I want you to leave now!” He would not even debate me.
I left feeling really good about myself, knowing I asked the questions coolly and in a calm manna, and this HIV specialist is the head of the largest HIV clinic in northern Europe, he teaches under graduates, does lectures around the world promoting HIV drugs for all the big pharma companies, but no longer researches HIV even though there is no cure, and he’s totally aware of this HIV=AIDS debate.
His reaction to my questions and him asking me to leave, without any medical advice, simply told me never to go on meds again. It’s now November 2009 and I’m still alive and well. My last visit to the hospital back in June or July 2007 I had bloods tests and I had a liver scan done, which was the first liver scan I had done in 10yrs, and was told my liver was normal and no problems. My last appointment at this point I had been off the meds for 2 weeks, my doctor phoned me and asked if I had stopped my meds, I said, yes, as I’ve been on holiday for 2 weeks, he said, “have you started taking them again” I just said yes. He said, “well, your CD4 count was down and viral load up and you have liver activity”. I thought, liver activity, but 2 weeks ago my liver was fine, so the man who did the scan told me, and I know liver damage is not caused by HIV. Anyway I never went back to the London hospital again, until the day I went to question.
Back in March I went to my normal local doctor for a general health check, they took some bloods and they have to tell the people testing the bloods, I have a retro virus, 2 weeks later, they asked me if I could have more blood taken. They told me it was (probably) because they spilt some blood that they needed more. Anyway, all my tests came back with a clean bill of health, no heart problems, kidney problems, no more liver problem and my white blood cells were good. So, I think they took more blood because, they knew I was HIV+ and no longer being treated for it and couldn’t believe the first blood tests. I then thought Id go to the the local gum clinic, to have a CD4 and viral loads done, and this is where there seems to be a contradiction on how CD4 determines illness. The test came back saying my CD4 count was 40, viral load in the 1000s and I had high cholesterol, so I’m thinking, high cholesterol, I’ve just had blood tests done at my normal doctors, and no indication of high cholesterol. So I asked him, why aren’t I ill, he couldn’t answer that question, but just said, “all I can do is offer you anti-virals” Before I left, I let him know what I know about this HIV=AIDS debate, and to be honest, I don’t think he knew anything about it, but he just said, “I work for government, all I can do is, offer you anti-virals”.
So, after being told I have high cholesterol, viral load, and CD4 count meant nothing to me, I went back to my normal doctors, and asked her, did my blood tests indicate that I had high cholesterol, she looked at me and said, “look at you, your a young healthy looking man”. She looked shocked when I told her I was nearly 44yrs old, which I am now, and it made me feel kinda good. She told me I have no problems with high cholesterol.
Today, I am happy, well and healthy. This is my story after 20yrs of being, so called HIV, people have their own minds to believe it or not, it really doesn’t matter to me. All that matters to me is the Fact, that I’m alive and well without drugs. I haven’t advocated any scientist or websites that are selling any alternative HIV products. I only mention the book, fear of the invisible, as it is written by an investigative credible journalist, giving us the information about the first scientific papers, giving us the first part of the history of HIV, and that’s where, I believe, any research should start.
I tell no one to not take HIV drugs, I don’t try to give a scientific argument in my story, as I’m not a doctor or a so called expert, and I don’t have a PhD, not that a PhD means much to me, as a man is just a man, born with the same abilities to learn and understand. I don’t allow people to tell me not to listen to scientists, who don’t believe HIV causes AIDS, I do the research myself, after all, if someone says, you may not die after all, I’m going to do all the research I can do, because, this is my life they are debating.
I’m not a religious man, but I believe, he who seeks finds and we should, know thy selves. Do the research for your selves, and in the process, you’ll learn a lot about yourself.