After the hiv diagnosis in 1991, I was in absolute shock. The whole world, my dreams and aspirations were in total ruins. I looked at the nurse who gave the terrible news, and I thought I saw an outline of a person. My heart pounded so much I thought it would pop out of me. I could hardly think and I was sweating. I was just blank and without life. I had been stripped of everything in my life. I felt degraded, worthless and useless.
After coming back to my senses, I left the doctor’s office with a scheduled appointment a month or so later so as to be followed and monitored by an infectious disease doctor (what a bunch of crooks!!). The thought of 5 years to live was so scary and nightmarish. I could hardly sleep a good sleep.
I was soon prescribed AZT and I believed what the doc said, and went for it with the hope of living longer. Down the line at some point, Nevirapine was added to AZT and others. It was puzzling, intriguing and kept me thinking, why I never got sick, other than getting the common colds and coughs that plaque everyone else, HIV positive or not. Around 1997, I was hospitalised for Steven Johnson syndrome due to Nevirapine which was then discontinued.
During this time, I lost my self esteem and got into drinking alcohol heavily and didn’t care of the outcome be it death or whatever. Of course, I was willing to go to any length of self destruction. I later picked myself up and kicked the habit and still kept my job and doctor’s visits. I always had challenging questions for them. Some would put up with me and others became jittery or nervous and referred me to another of their colleagues. They always had this serious warning, that I would die if I made the mistake of quitting the medications. Anyways I was on and off the meds. The more I interacted with the AIDS docs, the more I got puzzled and started questioning the whole AIDS hypothesis and going further, I started reading and researching on AIDS on my own. I got valuable information from various books authored by great researchers, scientists and others, commonly known or labeled by Mainstream Science as AIDS dissenters.
In October 2010, I came down with Cancer – Non Hodgin lymphoma and was hospitalized, went thru chemo (6 cycles) and survived- now in remission. It was after this cancer that I thought and made my mind to retire and move to a warmer climate and went ahead and did it. I had survived and learned a lot, motivated, I had the will to live and go on no matter what. I therefore made one big and important decision. After I settled in my new location, I gathered all the broken pieces of me and in august 2013 decided, which I’m sure you can guess is: TO QUIT ALL AIDS MEDS and plunge myself into good food, exercise and good positive humane attitude and excellent emotions, and most of all, run away from AIDS doctors and stay away from anything toxic.
My primary care physician is just fine. It has been 23 years since the diagnosis and I am still here, and it puzzles the docs. Along the way, I have gotten ailments all attributed to the side effects of the aids meds. Therefore, in my own words “I am still here and will be here, no intentions of going nine feet under as earlier predicted by the aids docs”. I wish all my HIV labelled friends, the best in making decisions about the diagnosis and the medications.
Good luck to all.