July 2000 was my diagnosis of HIV+ with Elisa and Western Blot, Viral Load and instant intimidation to take a precautionary flu shot and start an Antiretroviral Regime. What I remember of the first weeks was being told I would live a maximum of six more years due to high Viral Load and low CD4 count and, even then, only by strict and immediate adherence to the ‘life saving’ pills.
To make it short, I’ve never taken a single pill nor have I taken any flu or other vaccines, I simply refused any kind of interference by the medical establishment.
My inner voice communicated a lot during those first weeks of being stigmatized, mainly through vivid dreams that I carefully noted down the next mornings, sometimes fragments but often whole sequences of life-periods that occurred to me. Many of those dreams helped me later understand what it all was about.
For 12 years I have survived, but then also, knowing what I know now I cannot say survived, because all I have done is what is normal to a man of my age, 42 .
Prior to this 2000 result I had tested for HIV on a few occasions, in 1987 I had been sent to the local hospital for further blood tests since a house doctor detected some unspecific dark patches in my blood after he’d sent it to a laboratory for blood analysis. The doctor in the hospital was quite a young lady as I remember, good looking as well, she informed me that they had tested my blood for any known diseases at that point but couldn’t come to a conclusion about what it was that caused fever and feelings of being unwell for almost a month. So she told me to go out and enjoy life as much as possible, since there could be something but also nothing to worry about.
I had done three other tests over the years – one when I applied for a job with an international company, another when I applied for citizenship in a country and one more – they were all negative.
It was, to the least to say, surprising to me, when those tests in 2000 showed a positive status. I lived healthily, only occasionally did recreational drugs and did quite a lot of sports. Also I didn’t have unprotected sex with any girl I had met so it was a big question mark to me how I was infected. What hit me with the fear button was the prospect given to live only for a few more years, so between the first test which was Elisa and the next ones to follow I overdosed quite a bit on Ecstasy, took such stuff in a liquid form for a good three weeks in the testing phase. It made me at least not think about it all the time. Then came the intimidation phase by docs from which I escaped for two months to a mountain resort, needed time to think and took along a few good books. I could find nothing in 2000 on the local markets or bookstores that was critical but I had found a guy who didn’t share the general public opinion on it, so at least that helped me clear my mind to a certain extent.
What I can say is that I came back and had one last appointment with the docs who wanted me to go on meds immediately. I told them very clearly that it was my decision not to take them as I would die one day eventually anyway, but I would want the choice to decide how. So they tried afterwards to intimidate more and convince but as I am very stubborn once taken a decision they had no chance. Only two years later, in 2002 I found the first critical websites on this subject and ever since I have read pretty much all there is from both sides. It strikes one clearly when you read how helplessly the AIDS establishment is still trying to uphold their lie, and it strengthens you every time you read about a little progress in the dissident’s view. I have come to freedom with myself, not searching for some wonder remedy to something that is only in the minds of some money greedy individuals, but still I feel it as a duty to enlighten a few souls, especially the children worry me.
What makes me angry is that the ignorance of our fellow humans have put us in a social status of ‘unwanted’, ‘dangerous’, ‘sexual monsters’, ‘dissidents’, ‘denialists’. To live in such a society feels like you want to leave it, but there’s nowhere to go.
In 2004 I took another chance with a home test that I had ordered over the internet. It stated, that if it showed positive bands you’d need to go for further check-up, but if it didn’t, there would be no need to worry as it would detect any kind of immune reaction.
So guess what, it came out negative!
You can reach ‘William’ through email.