Four years ago, around this time in 2011, aged 24, I went for a weekend trip with friends and after few days I had high fever for a week and crabs post trip! After many days I went for a complete health checkup and the technician told me that I will have to repeat the tests to confirm if I’m HIV+! For the first time I experienced how it feels to be shocked and afraid, really afraid. I was shivering holding those reports in my hand. I knew it was a death certificate, I was going to die soon and would not have a healthy life compared to people of the same age. I was thinking what will I tell my folks at home? This is what the media propagated – HIV = DEATH. Death at such a young age. All my dreams shattered!
Sitting at the lab, at that moment, I recalled my school days, when teachers taught us about AIDS and also my final exam where they asked us to write a short note on AIDS. How proud I was to know the answer and the ways it could spread! (multiple partners, needle sharing and blood transfusions) and now I come back to my situation, with reports in my hands. Horror, I’m the victim of this deadly virus, I’m now a statistic that they report, I’m now on the other side.
I chose to keep it a secret and not tell anyone, it’s such a big taboo in India. I secretly got tested at other labs, they came back indeterminate. I then went to some other labs, all these tests were very expensive, tridot, ELISA, Western blot, PCR RNA, CD4 count. For months I was just living in fear.
I started to learn more about HIV and about how long I would have to live. I learned all the acronyms about HIV and the prognosis, I bookmarked thebody.com page and similar pro-HIV websites, I read about latest drugs to treat HIV and how they are becoming easier with the side effects etc. I also read about how one man got cured in Germany and how there is hope for everyone suffering from HIV. I prayed that somehow I would become HIV- and dreamt about being able to get such a cure in the future. I chose not to take meds until I became very sick. I calculated how much the medicines and tests would cost me for a year and how I would manage to keep it secret. Whenever I used to get even little sick, I thought it was due to HIV. This fear multiplied. I cried alone. I could not share this horrible news with anyone, not my sister, not my brother, not my family, not my friends. How will my aging father and mother take this news, the stigma and the shame that it brought along? I was at the worst phase of my life. Lonely and dealing with this horrible disease alone.
Then in 2012 while researching, I came across “House of Numbers” on Youtube (I won’t lie but I wanted to believe that HIV is harmless, I had a bias because I was the victim, so I wanted to believe in HoN). But the more I researched, the more I started believing that this is a hoax. Then I came across this facebook group Rethinking AIDS. Initially it was all unbelievable but with the help of you guys (I’ve tagged you guys among many others who helped me), with your patience I learned more and more about how unscientific the HIV = AIDS dogma was. How these tests were bogus and flawed. I read more papers, more websites and watched many more documentaries. Finally, I decided that I would stick to my decision of avoiding meds. It gave me new life! A second birth!
I had an incident of Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2013, which I believed was due to my HIV status at that time, doctors again took so many blood reports and then finally put me on Steroids, which I avoided because I was afraid that if it suppresses my immune and what if my HIV goes wild also the side effects of steroids, so I did not take it but then I discovered that RA is due to gut dysbiosis and can be easily cured if the gut is healed and voila I healed myself just by changing my eating habits sans steroids. This was my third life! I’m still recovering from my joint inflammation and pain but I can almost do all the activities (hurts only while climbing stairs). I can confidently say that I was saved twice from the illness called fear and pharma scam but my belief that HIV is a hoax got stronger each time.
It’s been 4 years now on this journey of healing and I have learned a lot about healing, pharma propaganda and how it is fear that is killing people and not diseases. Its surprising how the mainstream believes this hoax and how the machinery is feeding chemo-therapy to millions, globally engineering a slow mass holocaust. No one will believe me if I tell them about this, I tried to talk to few doctor friends too, but they thought I was a victim of conspiracy theorists (denialists!). I’m resilient and would like to say it is all because I decided to research on HIV. Many people blindly just do what doctors tell them. I feel really sad for them and the situation. I want to be honest and say that I’m not absolutely 100% sure if what I’ve chosen is science or what the mainstream is saying is science since I’m not a research scientists, I’ve just used my common sense and I chose to believe that it is a hoax.
The most important learning for me on this whole journey is “HIV is FEAR!”
HIV = FEAR = DEATH!